Tuesday, October 31, 2017
Every tear has fallen.
Every fist has been shaken and slammed in frustration.
Every self-analysis has been exhausted.
Every question has been asked.
Every self-loathing regret has been leveled.
Every “What did I do or NOT do?” has been tortuously replayed in my memory.
Every misplaced blame has been identified.
Every “answer” has been repeated and held onto, even without evidence seen.
Every confession has been made.
Every forgiveness has been asked for and given, to me and from me to others.
Every responsibility for every choice and consequence has been accepted.
Every declaration of faith has been passionately stated.
Every possible cause or effect has been subjected to analysis to the point of mental fatigue and emotional flat line.
Every admission of guilt behind these cyclical circumstances has been confessed.
Every accusation toward God has been hurled.
Every sincere apology has been echoed from my heart.
Every anger-spewing rant, followed by salty tears of resignation and a “new” temporary emotional “jump start” has been displayed to death from me in a repetitious, mind-numbingly NEVERENDING, stuck-on-repeat cyclical song of despair.
Every deferred hope has been a stab to my heart and a rug pulled out from under my trust.
Every “just keep patiently waiting” has beaten the life out of every dream I’ve been hanging onto for years.
Every bit of strength is gone.
Every back up plan has been abandoned to YOUR plan alone.
And every bit of me has been emptied out at your feet.
I’ve got nothing left.
Nothing…………only trust in YOU.
And though it doesn’t “feel” like it, THAT is the strongest, most sure foundation I could ever stand on. Of course, at this point, I don’t feel like I’m standing, but rather, YOU are faithfully holding me up!