When you make the hard, against-the-current choice to live by and answer only to the voice of Love Himself, you would be wise to prepare yourself for an all out assault from people-- far and near-- who challenge and even doubtfully question the choice to it's very core. You have to tune out the competing voices, even at times, the familiar ones. Sometimes they can be the most distracting--not in a malicious way, but rather in a fear driven overly protective way. When my crises of belief process started over 20 years ago, I really thought at times that I was losing my mind. I began to question everything--every principle, every value, and even the very existence of God. (Get that pious scowl off your face, and be honest, I’m sure you've had similar questions at some point.) What felt like a major full on mental meltdown, suicidal jump into a fog-like chasm of desperation and hopelessness was actually a divinely invited leap into the safest and most peace-filled existence I could ever imagine—a transcendent peace that was deeper than emotion or circumstance. Of course, understanding what I ACTUALLY leaped into is still unfolding to me day after day, with much more to discover. The point is, I finally made the choice to leap! I didn't have a plan B, and I still don't! I have abandoned all for the sake of learning how to live loved, and discover His Kingdom, of which I am a beloved citizen! And you know what, the questions have not stopped, and the fear hasn't often relented in its attack on my mind and heart. As a matter of fact, I'm staring it in the face as I write. But this fight is NOT mine, for Love Himself has taken up my cause! I don't know how or when this particular episode will be decided, but it WILL be decided in my favor! There is a freedom whose hold on my heart is much stronger than the illusion of a grip that fear tries to employ! The paradox in my life is that fear often tries to con me into the safe and familiar that I've known, while Love invites me into the spooky and unprecedented unfamiliar. Fear tries to convince me to pack a parachute, while Love tenderly welcomes me to free fall into a journey that is unimaginable and wonderfully fulfilling! Fear urges me to look to my surroundings, manipulate my circumstances, and listen to every familiar and accepted critique from the status quo. Love simply offers itself, and a strength like no other that guides, not pushes, me into spaces that are far bigger and grander than anything I could ever orchestrate for myself. So, as I face this fear--this quite familiar foe-- in this certain area of my life, I laugh in its face! NOT because I know the details or the strategy that will finally win this fight. BUT, I know the One who is fighting this thing for me, and He's already whipped fear emphatically!
Enjoy the journey, and don't be scared to LEAP!!!!!