Wednesday, June 28, 2017

"Can Healing Be Hazardous?"

Healing Can Be Hazardous to your Health. That seems like a rather preposterous, moronic statement, huh? Well, maybe I should clarify from a personal perspective. Healing, whether physical, mental, emotional, or relational, is a great thing to experience. Sometimes it happens quickly. Sometimes, not so much! In my case most of my "internal", personal development-type healing or maturing usually offers itself to me in the form of a patience building, sometimes monotonous, mundane, maddening process of time! Wouldn't it be great if ALL healing was available in a pill, a smoothie, or an aroma-therapeutic cream with a nice pepperminty scent? THAT would be a product worth stockpiling, in my opinion. But alas, no such "cure all" exists, or at least I haven't discovered it yet. Maybe my pilgrimage with a tribe of non-aggressive Swedish pygmy goat farmers to the Himalayas in the Fall will produce such a priceless find. :-) Stay tuned!
As I've chronicled over the past couple of years, certain parts of my journey have been extremely enlightening, painful, funny, awakening, and yes, most especially, healing! Many lessons learned, and revelations discovered have created a sort of "freshness" to my life, kind of like the freshness you experience when you walk outside after a late Spring thundershower. A clean, rejuvenated atmosphere that produces hope, energy, and a generally positive vibe about my life from that point on! I love that feeling, and when I experience those moments, I want to drink them in, and squeeze every ounce of euphoric innocence and energetic wonder that say to me, "WELCOME to a Fresh, new beginning--life really begins for you NOW, here in this space!"
You feel almost invincible in these times, like EVERYTHING is possible, and every dream is on the threshold, ready to burst into tangible realities!
Well, now that I've described THAT almost "utopian" version of healing, let me, at the risk of being a buzzkill, paint a picture that comes with a warning label--the dark side of healing.
There is a risk, as I have fallen prey to, of allowing yourself to be drawn into an obsession with what you're being healed of, or the person you're being "set free" from, with all of their nasty-ness, their loveless-ness, their selfishness, their narrow mindedness, their cynical outlook, and their jaded perspective! It IS possible to get so caught up in what you're leaving, what you despise, and what you loathe in every way, that you mistakenly focus your thoughts, time, energies, and toxic words on that "poison", instead of the healing journey that is slowly but surely bringing you to life, to Love Himself. In my experience, I've been guilty of easily recognizing all of that negativity in others, pointing it out in them, dwelling on it's sometimes recurring affect in my life, blaming others for perpetuating those things that I've been moving away from, and trying to fix all of that in some way, both in myself, and even in others. In doing so, I walked right into the trap of failing to walk in and focus on the healing itself. I was too busy languishing in the pain I had experienced, lamenting on how there were many people invading my life, who were still entangled in those destructive patterns and paradigms, and even wasting time trying to convince others of my "health" while "proudly" pointing out their "sickness". What a paradox!!! My "healing" was becoming a "disease" to me!
In these points on my journey, Love Himself has had such a graceful way of gently reminding me that I'm not merely being "healed FROM", but more importantly, I'm being "healed TO"! It's a humbling encouragement that keeps me looking forward. It helps me to process life from a more peaceful space. And it sets me free from self-loathing or from the need to "play God" to people I meet who are still hangin' out in the slums from which I've been freed! So, instead of giving voice to each urge to "look back" at all the agony I've been through and lament on how horrible it was, or moaning over the scars that bitterness attempted to tatoo on my heart, AND instead of giving in to each compulsion to criticize and judge everyone as complete idiots who may still be in those places, I'm learning to quiet my soul, bask in the healing itself, and breath deeply the life of Love Himself. And you know what, I'm experiencing those wonderful scents of peppermint more frequently now, and the soothing essence of thundershowers. Hope and simple faith have a much more vocal presence in my life now! They are replacing the cynical language and tone that pain and rejection try to force me to speak. And the journey goes on as I walk into the man that I've been "Healed To"! Peace!

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